Sunday, June 23, 2013

Some things have changed around here

My goodness, that's been some hiatus. Not a peep from me on the 'lil old blog for a full three whole months. I was getting messages in my box: are you ever coming back? I knew I eventually would, I just needed a break. Some space. Spaaace.

You see things in my life got a bit crazy around March and I felt myself drowning under the pressure. My day job was even more intense than usual, with lots of change going on I felt like I was holding it together for everyone. At the same time I was coming home late only to work on my freelance projects and in all that I was trying make time to work on the programs I so dearly wanted to birth into the world. 

I wanted to do it all, but something in my body was starting to scream no. I was stressed, exhausted, and depleted of any creative energy. I was starting to feel resentful every time someone asked me to do something, no matter how tiny. It just felt like another thing to get done for someone else, yet what was I doing for me? 

Worst of all I realised I had slipped back to my 'running' mode of 18 months ago, a way of being I'd so desperately wanted to leave behind. But what I was starting to understand was that a lifetime of habit was going to take more than some sporadic attempts to change. I was going to have to commit to changing some fundamentals about the way I operated. But where was the space in my life to so that?

At the beginning of April I went to see my lovely mentor and over a box of tissues wailed that I just wanted a month off it all - the projects, the freelance, the blog, the must-dos and the have-tos.

"Why don't you take it?" she said.

"Oh, but I can't because of A, B, X, Y" and a million other reasons. I was needed afterall, I couldn't just bow out of the world. I was the one holding it up.

She gave me that look, told me to get back to writing for fun not for outcome, then sent me on my way.

But my body latched onto the idea of a break like a child to a fluffy bunny, and was not going to let go.

"We could make this work. Sure we can't give up everything, but we could treat this as an exercise you would give one of your coaching clients and see how it goes, have fun with it. Try some things out. As a start we'll give up the blog, the book, designing, the program planning, we'll practice saying no. We'll even try and create space at work".

Yes. Yes! I was going to do it. No must-do. No have-tos. One month of space.

I know many of you are probably hyperventilating at the very thought of this, but like me also secretly desiring it too. We are experts at always taking on more without having the capacity to actually do so. I've written before about being an overfunctioner and the dangers of not asking for help when you need it. The result is usually you as a puddle of mess that's of little use to yourself, let alone others.

I know you all want to know what I did in my month of and how it panned out? On a very basic level treated myself well for the full 30 days. I can tell you, at first it wasn't easy listening to what my body needed and saying no does not come naturally to me at all. But I persisted and I can tell you confidently...

I started to like this new way of being alot. I got very used to it. So used to it in fact that though my month off ended in May, it's the end of June and I'm still going. I acted in a way I had probably not acted ever in my life. I sat with the uncomfortable feelings that came up when I said "No. I don't have capacity for that right now. I don't want to do that. I dont feel able to take that on." I lived through the feelings of guilt, the feelings that I should be doing something when actually all I wanted to do was nothing

And not only did I survive, I thrived. I started to feel revived. I could not only feel the transformation but I could witness it in the small ways. My journal transformed from black words down a page to pages of creative sketches with colour. My home had paintings on the wall for the first time since I bought my apartment. I had read four new novels - yes novels, not non-fiction. I had gaps in my weeks with nothing scheduled. I found time to change the look of my blog four times - just for fun, just to play with colour and type and code. I got my hair chopped off without fear. Small things, but major steps for me.

"How did I do it? I'm going to let you in what it takes to create space in your life to revive and thrive."

Yes, with all this talk of how wonderful and life-changing the process was for me and what a positive impact it's made to all areas of my life I hope you're now wanting to get some details about how I actually managed to make such a change. The good news is, I'm going to share it all with you. For what was born of this was a brand new program I'm just about to bring to you all. I'll have more details there here soon - so stay tuned. You'll love it - it's all about being good to yourself.

I'm so excited about sharing this program as I know this really works. I know change is possible. 

Are you ready?

1 comment:

  1. amazing to hear your update - can't wait to see what you have up your sleeve xx

    ReplyDelete

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