Sunday, April 15, 2012

Change is good on a holiday

(SYLC 12)

If there's one constant, it's the inevitability of change.

I used to fear change. I would hold on to things and people tightly, anxious that they'd run away. I'd stubbornly stick to ways of doing things for fear that doing it differently wouldn't be as good.

One day, one of the changes I feared actually happened and turned my life upside down. The day my husband and I broke up I felt my neat little world had spun out of control. So many questions - what would my life be like now? had I lost my best friend? where would I live? could I support myself?

As it turned out, this experience was one of the best things that ever happened to me. It released the fear. I embraced the change, and in the process I found my true self. Not straight away mind you, there was some healing and deep digging to do. But it was so incredibly liberating, and it was only by taking risks and facing my fears that I was able to know who I really was. Now, years on, I'm so much better at dealing with change than I have been at any other point in my life. Indeed, I even actively seek it.

Why? Well what that situation taught me is that in every change there is opportunity. It is impossible to grow as people if we constantly resist change. I've not only experienced this first hand, but witness it now in some people very close to me. Letting fear of change rule your life, controlling every move is a miserable way to live. It really is. It limits your life which, with so much out in the world to experience, is a heartbreaking waste.

Since the beginning of this year, which coincided with the freeing up of some time for me in the first time in many many years, I have felt I'm on another big wave of change. I've adapted my diet, I'm doing some necessary letting go at work, I'm reconnecting with my creativity and some very dear friends, I'm expressing myself proudly through my writing, my dress and my home, and most importantly I'm allowing myself to float for a while to think about what my next step(s) will be. I recently took a month out and ambled around Europe, a place that inspires me greatly. This gave me the space and the time to reconsider again what I want, how I do things, where I give my time and start making adjustments accordingly.

And all this is happening because I'm open to change. I'm not afraid of what life will throw at me, good and bad. I feel ready and well equipped to embrace it and take the opportunities that come, or that I create from a situation. I am being both active and passive in the journey.

A final note: I've been reading Sarah Wilson's blog since the beginning of the year. Many wise words. One of her posts this week was a lovely gentle reminder about the importance of embracing change in our lives and just taking a leap.

I'm ready for the next one!

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