Saturday morning I woke up ay 3.30am, my head like a whirlwind. Just hours away I was running my first workshop of one of my programs - the first time I was putting 'me' out into the world. Nervous doesn't cut it.
This is the third program I've designed over the past year but none of them had yet seen the light of public day. I made a million excuses as to why I wasn't ready, but the truth is fear was getting in the way.
Fear of it not being good enough.
Fear that I was not good enough.
I knew I had to launch these programs to make the shift in my career that I so badly wanted to make. But the fear was strong, it had its tendrils wrapped tightly around my wrists. So powerful, it was easier to remain in my mediocre little world feeling increasingly frustrated and 'meh' than it was to fight it and put myself out there.
Here's where three beautiful women come in.
I met these three a couple of years ago through work that linked up and we became friends. We all come from different places and have very different lives, yet our like minds, like outlooks, like ideas have overtime meant this gorgeous set of women have become like a little tribe.
One of the things I love about this group is that we hold ourselves accountable for our ideas. If you say you're going to do something, you do it or the tribe will be asking you some very probing questions as to why you didn't act. But in loving, supportive way. And if there's a block, we'll help each other through it.
How lucky am I?
So it was I said I wanted to run this workshop. In saying it to these girls I was going to be accountable. Fear would not win this time. So at a quarter to twelve yesterday with my heart racing I was still making last minute adjustments to materials. It was all a bit rough, but 80% is a good enough place to start right?
The premise of this workshop is career transition, getting to the depths of what you really want to do for work and getting clarity about what you don't want. The process helps identify your skillset that makes you unique and how to present that in a way that reflects you. I'm taking a different approach - trained in psychology I'm coming from an angle of psychotherapy and schema therapy to take a deep dive into motivations and blocks.
As so the afternoon flew and I loved every moment of doing the workshop. It didn't all flow as planned, we took some twists and turns but its all part of iteration and refinement. It was not only an enlightening process for the participants but for me. I found that just running this one workshop has smashed my fear to pieces. In in that fear being smashed I have more clarity about how I can shape my offering and career than I have had in years.
Its not easy to tackle what we fear most, to acknowledge but push on anyway. Our deepest fears about ourselves are often the ones we had the longest. Many of us have been feeding them since our childhood and let them hold us back from being the best person we can be. That the world needs us to be.
But its not impossible, and being surrounded by a group of people who will nudge and support you along the journey is key. And I think nudge is a great word when we talk about breaking through fear as a huge leap is not always necessary. Nudging your way through means fear can be trick, it won't notice those tiny incremental changes you make behind it's back.
So think about what's holding you back, acknowledge it, and if a leap seems to much start nudging away at pushing past it.
What's one fear you have that could be nudged away?